


if happy ever after does exist (it won't be because of our teams)

by the coffee cup (oakleaf)



Series: KuroDai Week 2k16 [7]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: #saveKuroo2k16, Comedy of Errors, Humour, Karasuno, KuroDai Week 2016, M/M, Mentioned Sexual Content, Misunderstandings, Nekoma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 05:23:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6361186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oakleaf/pseuds/the%20coffee%20cup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>aka: everyone on your team is scary af and they're out for my guts and all I wanted to do was be in a relationship with you</p><p>The 3 times Karasuno tried to keep Kuroo far away from Daichi and the 1 time they tried to get them together</p>
            </blockquote>





	if happy ever after does exist (it won't be because of our teams)

1.

“Kuroo’s been staring at Karasuno lately,” Yaku comments to Kai.

“You mean at Daichi?” Kai says, arching an eyebrow. “He hasn’t exactly been very subtle about it.”

“I really hope he doesn’t try to prank Daichi to get his attention,” Yaku says.

[“Hopefully he does know how to deal with his crush like a high-schooler, not a grade-schooler,” Yaku adds viciously, “but I wouldn’t put it past him.”]

 

Nishinoya didn’t mean to spy, really. He couldn’t help but overhear some things. Kuroo? Daichi? Prank?

This means war.

 

First he calls a meeting of the second-years. When he tells them his suspicions concerning Kuroo, only Tanaka is as concerned as he is – the proper level of concern, he feels. This is Daichi’s pride on the line, after all! Ennoshita gives him a flat stare.

“So what do you propose, exactly? If you suggest pranking Kuroo, I will sic Sugawara with his disappointed face on you.”

Looking at Ennoshita’s face and the disappointed expression, Nishinoya pouts. Seems like Ennoshita didn’t want to make Kuroo’s life a living hell.

Narita speaks up hesitantly. “Kuroo is also a captain, I’m pretty sure he’d be more responsible than that.”

Nishinoya stares at him. “That hair is not the hair of someone who cares about the rules.”

Ennoshita laughs and everyone immediately shuts up. “Easiest thing to do: just track Kuroo’s movements as much as possible. If you want, Nishinoya, think of it as a prank. Problem solved.”

 

Kuroo vaguely wonders why there seems to be at least one person following him at any one time; he highly suspects that they are Karasuno people. The little blonde tuft which keeps ducking around corners when he turns to look is a little bit of a give-away.

At this rate, he’s never going to be alone with Daichi during the training camp, which he had been really looking forward to.

The feeling of eyes on the back of his neck follows him throughout the day, from breakfast to lunch to breaks between matches. It’s starting to creep him out, frankly.

 

After failing to talk to Daichi for an entire day, he is finally desperate enough to sit opposite of him during dinner just to get a chance to talk to him.

Sugawara is already besides Daichi, and gives Kuroo a little wave when he sits down. “You planning on defecting and joining us?”

Kuroo’s about to answer when the sudden scrape of a chair makes him look up. It’s blonde-tuft-of-hair guy, the one who’s possibly been following him all day. He’s not hiding at all any more.

Nishinoya stares fearlessly at Kuroo, his golden eyes sharp. _I have my eye on you_. Kuroo almost cries from the sheer unfairness of it all – he doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve this, apart from perhaps having a crush on Karasuno’s captain.

                                                                              

2.

“Yes Kenma, I want to engage in sexual activities with Daichi. Now can we please stop talking about it?”

[Kenma looked at Kuroo a little sceptically, but ceased his interrogation of just what Kuroo meant by ‘I have it bad for Daichi’.]

 

Hinata couldn’t help but overhear the end of the conversation, and was glad to know he had finally found the Nekoma room – well, Kenma in particular. Knocking on the door, he bounced up and down while waiting for someone to open the door.

Idly, he wondered what sexual activities were. He was sure he’d heard of it somewhere before, but couldn’t recall where. Ah well, he’ll just ask someone.

Kenma opened the door, and the matter was forgotten until much later.

It was later, just before sleep time, when Hinata remembered the question he was going to ask after seeing Takeda-sensei.

“Takeda-sensei, what is sexual activities?”

Takeda blushed and made a few flailing motions, before he finally replied, “It’s when you make babies with someone.”

Hinata cocked his head to the side, before realising what that meant.

Kuroo wanted to make babies with Daichi.

Daichi would then need to raise the babies.

Daichi wouldn’t have time for volleyball or for the Karasuno volleyball team anymore because he’d be raising babies.

 

Hinata sprinted out of the room, intent on making sure Daichi didn’t have babies with Kuroo, completely missing Takeda calling out his name.

He burst into the room Karasuno was staying in, yelling “DAICHI!!!”

Except there was no Daichi in the room.

Everyone in the room (which was just the other first years) turned around and stared at Hinata, who had sprinted all the way from his talk with Takeda.

“Dumbass, what’s wrong?”

“KuroowantstohavebabieswithDaichibutthenDaichiwon’tbeabletoplayvolleyballwithusanymore so we need to keep Kuroo away from Daichi!”

“Oi, a little slower?” Tsukishima said, interested despite himself. He’d be absolutely willing to keep Kuroo away from Daichi, but he wanted to know the reason why Hinata looked so fired up about the entire thing.

“Kuroo wants to have babies with Daichi! But then Daichi won’t be able to take care of us and play volleyball with us! So we have to make sure Kuroo is kept away from Daichi!”

Tsukishima opened his mouth, no doubt about making a scathing remark about Hinata’s absolute ignorance regarding biology. Then he looks at Hinata and thinks about how annoying Kuroo is and how badly Hinata might embarrass himself and either way it’d be entertaining so he closes his mouth again.

Yamaguchi watches Tsukishima, and seeing that he wasn’t going to put an end to Hinata’s insanity, just shrugs. He would try and protest, but Hinata is so fired up about the whole thing he doesn’t think Hinata would even listen.

(Kageyama is 90% sure that something’s not quite right about Hinata statement, but he isn’t really all that great at science so he takes Hinata’s word for it. The thought of Daichi not playing volleyball weighs more heavily on his mind.)

Hinata takes Tsukishima’s lack of protest as a sign that Tsukishima has been shocked into silence by Kuroo’s dastardly intentions, and nods decisively.

“So here’s the plan!”

(Tsukishima regrets his life.)

 

Kuroo finally manages to catch Daichi alone after the Captain’s meeting. He feels a bit light-headed, finally alone in Daichi’s presence, unsure of how to proceed and thus just staring at Daichi with a cocky smirk.

Daichi’s eyebrows are rising further and further the longer Kuroo fails to make some sort of comment.

“Cat got your tongue?” Daichi finally jokes.

Kuroo realises that he’s been staring silently at Daichi for the last half a minute or so. He blinks and tries to come up with a reply, and all of a sudden there’s Hinata in front of him, jumping in between him and Daichi.

“EXCUSE ME!!”

Seeing Hinata jump is just as impressive as always, and it takes a moment for his brain to then realise that this means his private time with Daichi (not that anything was actually happening) had been interrupted.

“Captain! I need help with- about- with things!!” Hinata half-stutters.

Daichi sighs. “What happened now?”

Hinata tugs Daichi’s sleeve and starts down the corridor, back towards Karasuno’s rooms. “Uh… things happened?”

Daichi looks a little confused, but follows Hinata’s insistent tugging on his sleeve. “I guess I’ll see you later then, Kuroo,” he calls out over his shoulder.

Hinata begins to push Daichi away from Kuroo, Daichi being amused and confused but just going along with it.

 

This way, Daichi doesn’t see when Hinata turns back one more time to stare at Kuroo with the most frightening, intense face. _I know what you’re up to and I’m going to stop you_ , it said. Kuroo shuddered. He swears he hasn’t done anything wrong lately, except perhaps fail to flirt with Daichi.

 

3.

“Bro, just drag Daichi off to somewhere private and get it over and done with!”

[Kuroo sighs. “It’s not that simple, Bokuto. What am I meant to say to him? What if he doesn’t like me?”]

 

Yachi stood, petrified, hearing voices from the hallway she was just about to walk down.

 _Drag… off_? Get it over and done with… as in murder???

Feverishly her mind jumped to what seemed a logical conclusion: someone in the training camp was trying to kill Captain! They were going to drag him to a deserted parking lot and then murder him!

She could imagine it clearly: the wind howling as Daichi was murdered, and the way his body would be buried in a shallow grave somewhere, and how everyone was going to be really sad and they wouldn’t be able to go to nationals and there’d be tears and crying.

She shook her head. She couldn’t allow that to happen! She would stop the murderer!

She shook as she looked around the corner. From her angle, all she could see was a mess of black hair and a tall, tall person (taller-than-Daichi-tall).

She slinked away from the scene, intent on finding the rest of Karasuno to help her protect Daichi. Before she even got more than halfway down the hallway, a hand clamped down on her shoulder.

 

 

She shrieked.

 

 

Behind her were two big scary volleyball players – some part of her mind informed her that they were the captains of Nekoma and Fukurodani respectively.

It was nice to at least know her murderers, even if no-one else would know.

She shook even as she backed slowly down the hallway, not even computing what they were saying. Their mouths were moving, and she could see her death fast approaching for witnessing their plans.

She didn’t want to die here! She wanted to see Karasuno get to nationals! She wanted to see Kageyama and Hinata’s new quick! She wanted to see the synchronised attack succeed!

“Kuroo! Bokuto! Just what do you think you two are doing to our manager.”

Daichi’s voice was startling and soothing at the same time. Startling, because she hadn’t expected it. Soothing, because even though there was a raging undercurrent of anger it helped steady her nerves, let her know that everything would be okay.

Wait. Daichi wasn’t allowed to come here. They were going to kill Daichi!

She turned around to warn Daichi, ready to tell him to run, to warn him of the evil people before him, but she stopped. Daichi wasn’t alone. Suga and Asahi were with him.

They weren’t going to die right there, right then. She smiled from sheer relief.

Under Daichi’s glower, the scary people melted away.

“Hey Yachi, are you okay? They didn’t do anything weird to you, did they?” Suga said gently.

Yachi couldn’t stop shaking, still unnerved by what she had overheard. Suga gave her a gentle hug, waiting patiently until her shaking subsided.

Should she tell Daichi? But what if he didn’t believe her? And Daichi needed to focus on volleyball practice instead.

Should she tell anyone and risk their lives too?

“Yachi?” Suga asks again, finally catching her attention.

Suga, so kind and nice. She couldn’t risk Suga’s life.

“Please don’t die!” She ends up yelling at Suga, and Daichi, and Asahi. She is immediately embarrassed.

Suga’s expression softens. “Don’t worry, we’ll be fine.”

 

They walk her back to the manager’s room, making sure that she doesn’t encounter any more scary people. As they’re about to leave, Yachi reaches for Suga’s sleeve and tugs it to get his attention.

“Could you please try and accompany Daichi as often as possible?”

Suga blinks, then smiles brightly. “Sure, if it’ll make you feel better,”

 

Kuroo finally sees Daichi alone and blinks to make sure that Sugawara wasn’t going to mysteriously appear besides him, like he kept doing all day. This is the first time he’s caught Daichi alone since after the captain’s meeting yesterday.

Daichi is sitting with his back to the wall; his eyes are closed, but he still looks weirdly tense.

“Hi,” Kuroo says, dropping down to sit next to Daichi.

Daichi opens his eyes, and smiles amusedly at Kuroo. “Finally talking to me again?”

Kuroo smiles back at Daichi, enjoying how the smile instantly makes Daichi seem less tense. He’s about to reply when Sugawara turns up.

Kuroo knew it was too good to last.

“Up you get Captain! Time to try again,” Suga says.

Daichi groans but gets up anyway.

As Sugawara is about to walk around the corner with Daichi, he turns back to shoot a smile at Kuroo. Kuroo has no idea what that smile means, but probably nothing good. He’s starting to see a pattern here, and not one that bodes well for him.

 

+1.

 _Wait_ , Sugawara thought. He consulted (not very) far and (also not very) wide and came to the startling realisation: Kuroo wasn’t trying to prank Daichi, or have babies with him, or murder him.

Kuroo had a crush on Daichi.

There was a chaotic team meeting as everyone tried to figure out what to do next: as chaotic as total silence could be, at any rate.

Finally, they had a plan. It was a foolproof plan. Too bad this plan wasn’t Nekoma-proof.

 

Kuroo was getting paranoid. He was convinced that Karasuno knew about his deep dark feelings for Daichi and were intent on torturing him for them.

(This was not true. All the other teams knew about Kuroo’s poorly hidden crush, but Karasuno had been too intent on keeping Kuroo away from Daichi to notice this.)

 _You win_ , he wanted to tell them. _I’ll just watch him and pine from a safe distance_.

This was his decision and he was sticking to it.

He hadn’t expected to be kidnapped – kidnapped! – by his team and shoved into the nearest classroom.

He almost expected Daichi to also be in the classroom, and this was his team’s weird way of helping, but he wasn’t that in luck. He was just stuck all by himself.

 

“Have you seen Kuroo?” Hinata asks Kenma. Karasuno couldn’t really put their plan into motion without Kuroo, who wasn’t anywhere to be seen.

Kenma shrugged. “We locked him in a classroom.”

“Is it true he has a giant crush on Daichi?” Hinata asks, because Kenma is the smartest person he knows. Sugawara is also really smart, but it was difficult to believe.

“Unfortunately,” Kenma replies.

Hinata goes to report back to Sugawara. Sugawara is not pleased with this new development. There is a notice put out for an emergency secret joint Nekoma-Karasuno meeting.

Together they meet and plot. Motions are passed. Minutes are not taken. Plans are hammered out and agreed upon.

Kuroo had finally been let out of the classroom, and his team had pretended nothing had happened. They played in the matches as if they hadn’t locked their captain in a classroom and not let him eat breakfast. They ate lunch as if they hadn’t locked their captain in a classroom in the morning.

Kuroo really should have suspected something when the sudden meeting came up, but he'd trusted Kai. _He'd trusted him_.

 

“So, any reason why we’re the only ones at this so-called joint Nekoma-Karasuno meeting?” Kuroo asks. He has a feeling that it would be so much easier if he just walked right out of the room again.

Daichi smiles, slowly. “Oh, I have an idea,” he says easily.

He steps closer, and closer, until he’s much too close to Kuroo. Kuroo’s brain promptly shuts down.

“Kuroo? Kuroo? Oh shit I think I killed Kuroo.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.
> 
> (welcome to the end of my fic output for the year hope you enjoyed the craziness thank you for reading please leave a comment on your way out)


End file.
